For the moment, life seems dark and unfair, lost all beliefs and faith, not sure where to find reconciliation. It is completely normal and valid for grief to ebb and flow. I was her main caretaker aside from those that took care of her where she lived. So far from it. Grief is like riding a roller coaster with all its ups and downs. I felt if I wasn’t greiving I wasn’t loving him. We must be strong as the loved ones would be wanting that. I am just existing! I walked around in a thick fog that I couldn’t shake. I’m not sure I will ever again be as happy as I was when he was here physically, but, because I know he wants it, I will strive to be as happy as I can be. 6. Sharon. to me she was my life, that light in the darkness. Perhaps you should seek out the support of a therapist trained in handling grief and bereavement, which you can find here: https://grief.com/grief-counselor-directory/. I could barely smile at the video camera as I talked, and yet they were all acting like everything was fine. If you choose to make it a stepping stone, hopefully you’ll find some beneficial advice here. Recently a woman suffering with cancer in our building died. Now I have to find the strength to be happy and let go of my routine of panic attacks and crying. I am repairing my relationship with my son and have been seeing my grandchildren again recently (they are 6 and 4). Keep going at your own pace, even though others might not continue to recognize your pain. Would like to be on your newsletter list. Then one day you look around and realize you can see a little further in front of you, things are more colorful, and they’re coming into clarity. Isabelle Siegel January 31, 2021 at 10:59 am. Then one day I was walking down a dirt road and found 3 tiny kittens abandoned in a cardboard box. You realize your pain has become the expression of love lost; the way you honor your loved one; the one consistent link between life with them and life without them; and an element of proof that their life left an indelible mark on those they leave behind. This is completely okay and valid. But her essence is what I want to treasure in every way I can. Thank you so much. There is a reason why we use the phrase “love of my life” meaning only one being and that can be anyone, I’m not referring only to romantic relationships, as this kind of deep and pure love where the other being becomes the center of your existence can literally happen between ANY two living beings even among siblings, even among humans and animals and among animals themselves. Bible verses about letting go Letting go is one of the hardest things to do. The last 18 or so months before my brothers death were the same. Everyone grieves differently. It’s crippling. She’s just going to disappear and eventually her kids won’t remember her at all and they won’t know that they look like her and laugh like her and everything good about them is because of her. While I know that’s not true, it’s how it feels and right now, how it feels is all that matters. I was a proper daddy’s girl and I know he’d tell me to get a shift on and stop being silly. WYG provides general educational information from mental health professionals, but you should not substitute information on the What’s Your Grief website for professional advice. {{{{Robinson.buckler@ yahoo. Also, to let go of the grief feels like a betrayal of my daughter and what she means to me. I think I am on the right track as I am carrying out a lot of the suggestions on how to honor and keep someone alive and close without going through this horrible grief. At one point you figured it would lift, as fog tends to do, but after days and then weeks spent under its heavy cloak, you begin to wonder if it’s become a part of your everyday life. Every day I struggle with getting up, but I have to because I am the sole bread-winner. But we got through it. That first year was brutal. It was the first loss I’ve ever really experienced and I always felt we were close. I recommend you check out these articles: https://whatsyourgrief.com/mans-best-friend-6-considerations-for-grieving-the-loss-of-a-pet/ and https://whatsyourgrief.com/disenfranchised-grief/ I completely understand wanting to hold onto your grief. It's like I'm fighting with a ghost We're two battleships that always miss And we can't admit This is the fear of letting go (Letting go Letting go Letting go) Drifting away I think I needed to hear this, I am feeling so broken, I do have “good days” but I feel guilty when I do, I keep thinking, ” I can’t be happy, for God sakes, I lost my son!! I sometimes actively pull myself back into the grief when I feel like I’m letting go of any grief. She was the positive energy and always the happy one in the family! I think what you and I are experiencing is grief. My mind took over, because it was the only ‘safe’ place for me to be. I still do sometimes, but not as much. But I truly do know that relinquishing the grief as I am ready to do so is in NO way the same as letting Ken go. Sending you lots of hugs and prayers. Plenty to read in the comments so I keep mine short and to the point and directly about this article. The man I’m with is such a good man…I don’t want to break his heart…he has had so much bad luck with women and he tells me I’m the love of his life. Now, I sing the songs to my Love and remember him with joy. They don’t want their legacy to be that of pain or suffering but of who they were and are and how they lived. I didn’t know what to do, and I had a period of panic and anxiety. I gave up work to look after my husband 4 years ago. Simplifying your life and living with less usually involves letting go. She was not ill prior 3 months before, but they did not diagnose her with stage 4 Lymphoma cancer through body and CNS till May 31. I am ambushed by overwhelming grief at some point every single day. Eleanor October 14, 2015 at 10:10 am Reply. “The best way to navigate through life is to give up all of our controls.” ― Gerald G. Jampolsky, Love … 3. Was searching for podcasts on grief while walking our dogs, and WYG came up. I only know me in grief, I can’t remember what it is like to not be obsessed with him, crying over him, feeling sad, anxious….I’ve got comfortable in grief. I lost my the love of my life..my best friend a few months ago from ALS..some days I’m great..others I’m horrible crying g off and on..I guess that is normal..Its very hard for others to understand what I am going through. The grief journey is always a work in progress. Then 18mths later our adult son choked and later died..I grief daily for them both…it is terrible…I try so hard…to change. I can feel death near to me, not in the sense that I want to die but that part of me is gone, dead for ever. This morning I had to Google “how to let go of of your grief without forgetting your loved one” and came across this site. By Julian Leeks. Were they just pretending to be happy because it was Christmas? My sisters both died of cancer at a young age and it was very traumatic. Thank you for helping me see that healing is ok, healthy and joy is still to be found. That I couldn’t save him. Soundtrack Album. Her cat was left for a week in this dark, empty unit. To clarify my meaning, all of that is true, but denying ourselves any happiness isn’t necessarily the greatest demonstration of our loyalty to our loved one. Did he know how much I loved him? In those moments, you might have thought, “All I want is to feel better,” because you want to feel normal, whatever that may mean to you. You also realize, that progress doesn’t feel as sweet as you imagined. Is there's no shame in the fear of letting go. Leave a comment to let us know. Some times I remember something she did so very clearly! You don’t just wake up one day and find yourself never afraid of anything. I am still struggling but I am getting better we got another dog that looks a lot like him, my only wish is that I could have been their for his final moments, Nadia Parker-Johnson December 17, 2019 at 9:55 am Reply, I lost my husband Richard in August, one month of pneumonia and complications that finally took his life. I’m glad you had such a special relationship with her, even though it means more grief now. IsabelleS December 28, 2020 at 11:38 am Reply. Of course, there will always be moments of tears and sadness, but reconciling the loss and acceptance of the loss are early steps in letting go and starting to move forward. I have after her, had two girlfriends but both have left me/broke with me in peaceful manner. Now I am struggling so bad in letting go I just can’t let go I miss my baby so much, Donna January 24, 2020 at 1:20 pm Reply. I convinced myself that if I could be peaceful enough, if I meditated enough, he would come to me. Your connection to your loved one can be part of your daily life, even as you move forward and find a ‘new normal’ (apologies to the folks I know hate that term!). IsabelleS December 7, 2020 at 10:47 am Reply. The older of the two passed away in 2006. There have been too many coincidences for it not to be. Posted Nov 20, 2020 . When our fears get out of control, we can shut down. [Verse 1] Drifting away. Autumn, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet dog! But I fear losing him again if I begin to feel better about it. Linda williams April 21, 2018 at 7:08 pm Reply, We had to turn my sons life support off after a brain injury 3 years later I had a brain anurism Joseph was 23 and I just can’t grieve I’d rather sit with a friend and s bottle of vodka as I will talk and cry then I find it difficult talking to a stranger feel like I’m going mad with this pain. Seeing them build careers, be involved in communities, and just plain be happy. Life just seems so bleak and hopeless. It's like I'm fighting with a ghost I know I will never forget him, but I feel like some so dear feelings and memories are slipping away and I feel less connected to him and his memories I don’t want to feel “okay” If that means forgetting. But I can’t.. I’m forgetting. Laura Shea December 16, 2016 at 4:33 pm Reply. Sonia mendez October 21, 2020 at 3:59 pm Reply, I lost my husband mach 29 2019 36 years of gbeing together and I still have hard time. And now I must go onwards into this new terrifying world without her, the safe haven she provided is gone and every night when I lay down to sleep I pray for a miracle that she will be there in the morning. I’m scared to lose the identity he gave me as his daughter. Am I forgetting about her? The worst part I am struggling with is I love them with all of being spend everyday with them and my love for them couldn’t keep them alive. Any little piece of that grief that disappears is another piece of my loved one disappearing. If i dont move on my remaining years will be very lonely. It comes and goes. If you are open to the idea hopefully we can be connected through this site. I live in a constant state of exhaustion, and yet, when I go to bed at night, I stare at the ceiling, unable to sleep. It has happened to me! In the grand scheme of things, 3 months is such a short amount of time. [Pre-Chorus] All of us will not, heal because we have different stories and different lives. The Fear of Letting Go. This is the fear of letting go. [Chorus] By letting go of the fear, I can have a life of happiness. He was like my son and I miss him terribly. Every day. My baby graduated HS and went off to the Air Force. Donate to a dog rescue charity. Many years I blamed myself that it was my fault, she died, because had promised to protect her. I’ve dealt with everything that was stated in this article. Your son’s death was so incredibly recent and it is okay, especially in the early days, to keep holding on as long as it doesn’t keep us from living the life we need to live. What's the point? I have these crying jags sometimes that about lay me on the floor. It was the worst day of my life and we just had a rememberence of his passing. Tonight when I was getting my other dog ready for bed, I didn’t look for Stanley. Drifting away Let out your rage through writing. I have decided for my own self-worth it is best I see her as little as possible and have explained to Dad that I want to visit him wherever possible when she is out as I don’t want to spend any time with her which he understands. Found myself in another fucking hole. At least, for the most part. My 31 year old daughter died 539 days ago. He passed from heart failure. Linda Davis December 11, 2020 at 3:52 pm Reply, Dear George, You are not alone in your feelings over the loss of your dog. I know firsthand how devastating it is to lose a dog… It truly is like losing a best friend. But as much as I’m tired of grieving I find myself back in the same state…grieving. Never knew his name! When I see her friends after a few months at how they have grown it shocks me… they are no longer little like her! [Bridge] Will you only be remembered briefly? This post gave me lots to think about. The temptation to remain where I am is so great, weirdly a huge portion of me wants to stay here and be unhappy forever, for fear of moving on is so huge. This terrifies me as I too hold onto the grief as a connection but now I know I’m not the only one to do this – but it doesn’t make stopping any easier just yet. Brent Hopkins January 13, 2020 at 12:47 am Reply, I lost my dad may 9 2019still struggle with it Why is it so hard thought couse of my job being medical responder I could handle loss of my dad can’t hard what do I do help get over this, Maggie January 1, 2020 at 9:28 pm Reply, So good to read comments…I lost my husband of 51 years back in November 2016…he was quite quickly taken by cancer…I was not expecting him to die until a day before hand…he was active,. And what are we moving on to and from. And we can't admit Find all the books, read about the author, and more. Fear Learning To Let Go of Fears Being fearless in the face of fear. And who are they if you are not here, in life, holding vigil for them? #butterflychild, Leah Harris January 14, 2018 at 3:49 pm Reply. She works full time, she is finishing her college degree and, when she is able, she spends time with her friends. And they caused all this pain to me all because I was his partner and we were a gay couple happily in love and they didn’t approve of us. It was all very overwhelming and I hated seeing her suffer. Think about your latest accomplishments and the character traits that you’ve always admired in yourself. We know we’re not for everyone…and that’s…okay. I knew how to be a wife and I know how to be a grieving widow, but I don’t know how to be a widow who has good days and is moving forward. But I know I can’t stay here…..and I certainly can’t go back. Kenzie, I’m so very sorry for your loss. It hurts to see others thriving so easily to move forward in their lives. She was the most wonderful, sweetest and warmest lady and never complained about her ailments. To me, everyone seemed so normal. Aiden Tobon April 10, 2020 at 8:09 pm Reply, First and foremost my most sincere condolences I am really sorry for your loss it was a lifetime you shared with him. My dad took his own life 20 years ago when I was 16 years old and it has been a roller-coaster ever since. I LOVE YOU MINE I WILL ALWAYS DO. Thank You so much for sharing your insight. Embrace the idea that as pain diminishes, you may actually find more space to continue bonds and to keep your loved one’s memory alive. This is the fear of letting go What you must realize, is not that your loved one is disappearing as your pain diminishes; rather, you are learning to live with the memory of your loved one in a different way. I know that this is not true. I wish I had pictures of the morbid moments I spent with her. Marcie October 22, 2018 at 10:17 am Reply. I prayed he would keep sleeping as he wished. Meri lee Testa March 24, 2021 at 8:48 pm Reply. And it’s been devastating. Thank you, Marcia Stumpf December 9, 2019 at 1:06 pm Reply. The Fear of Letting Go. IsabelleS November 10, 2020 at 10:28 am Reply. Mostly people, of course. Or sell his truck? Louise McOrmond-Plummer June 17, 2017 at 10:05 pm Reply. The only thing that keeps me connected to my loved one and keeps their memory alive is the deep pain of my grief. I don't know. Kathyn N Mahlin January 30, 2021 at 4:00 pm. I’d rather feel sad and cry all day than forget the things that I so care about. [Verse 1] I think of our early life and the beautiful couple we used to be. I felt crazy — some evenings it was all I could do not to run down to the cemetery and claw him out of the ground and bring him home. 16 months later, I feel I am doing much better. My Stanley could see inside my soul. She has meddled in my relationship with my eldest son (27) and has caused me to have a long period without seeing my grandchildren. Lots of life left to live, she would say, and I will see them again and they are in my heart. Chrissy, i can so identify with what you wrote. If I start to feel less pain does that make his death less tragic? I lost my eldest son, 27 years old, nine years ago, and run grief support groups and work as a psychotherapist, with grief and mourning. We are rebuilding our life as best we can, and we share memories and laugh together. Dāna offering: These teachings are offered freely, at no charge. But in truth I do not want to move on into this new reality. I know intellectually that people die, but I think, yeah, but not him…not us. But, my grief for these two children, were both extremely deep and different. Part of grief (and so many other things, like anxiety and depression) is remembering that sometimes the things we think and feel are not true and figuring out what to do with that!! I always Look for comfort in others that have gone through what I have To know I am Not alone and I will Be ok. I feel like I’ve aged 100 years and I cry every day. Or it’s like the waves in the ocean. Instead, I did video calls with my parents, my other sister, and my deceased sister’s family — her husband and three preteen girls. There is figuring out how we comfort ourselves and how we can push ourselves, but it takes time and self-reflection and it isn’t easy. Louisa October 7, 2015 at 5:23 pm Reply. Lydia jackson May 17, 2019 at 4:53 am Reply. I lost one of my sons last June at the age of 32. My childhood friend got involved in a car accident and although it has been a year, I can’t help but feel bad for her and what she could have been today if she survived. I don’t know how to make room for someone else in my broken heart, yet I yearn to. My son was only 26, the youngest of six. I’ve spent a year willing this grief to get out of my body and now it’s going I want it back. Thank you for being such a wonderful pet parent and for loving her so much, with all your heart, right to the end. HE’S ALL I EVER NEED. I plan to pray for strength and expect time to help me move on but I will plan to do something everyday that I learned from him, a recipe, frame his picture, talk to him and perhaps someday I can listen to his favorite music again. No easy answers to that. Analyze. My wife Maria passed away from ACC Cancer on the day of our 4yr Anniversary! It seems so final then. You are very strong people. I’m so sorry you lost your fur baby. Are you an author? I love this post and was trying to explain to my counselor today ( not a grief counselor ) but I don’t think she got it really. I can’t let go its so hard to let go specially when at the end I couldn’t make his last wishes possible nor I know where his body ended. When you miss your loved one, speak to them and trust that the answer you hear deep inside – it’s real. For me, I can’t ever see feeling real joy again until until I get to heaven. Get Your Ex Boyfriend/Girlfriend Back! Everything I read says, grieve at your own pace, everyone is different. I don’t imagine the bad days ever stop – they just become far less frequent. … our ALWAYS and FOREVER/NOW and FOREVER, still holds and will FOREVER be!!! That floods our hearts They are looking down and protecting us, and still love us. They just do not understand. It's like I'm fighting with a ghost I know he wouldn’t want me to live like this. And don’t forget to subscribe to get 2 new posts about grief sent straight to your inbox each week! I would feed him sometimes. Why are you afraid of it? But while I know he is just in the next world, I still want him here with me. This series is complete! They were essential at that time. The problem is that I am tethered to my grief and to my past with my daughter. It is common to feel extremely conflicted about feeling better and, although it may not seem rational, it is also common to gravitate towards the pain. I lost my 33 year old son on January 5th, 2017. To become a stranger to everyone who knew her before, including her parents. I still haven’t overcome that feeling and I’m 23. But, those waves of unbearable pain do get further apart and you learn how to stop fighting the drowning feeling and instead just float. Wow, what an eye opener!! If you don’t already know us from the site, I can see where our style may seem a little flippant. All of a sudden he is not there for my constant care and I feel as if I have fallen into a black hole. I took a leave and was able to care for him at home. Brett Coleman February 9, 2021 at 10:36 am Reply, So sorry for your loss, I felt almost the same way, I couldn’t think because I didn’t know what to think or what I was thinking either, I was just left with to sleep and I couldn’t do a thing correctly but with the help of whatsyourgrief.com I was able to get through it and now I’m now having to know that nothing stays forever, we just have to get used to it, I just want to wish you good luck learning through and quick recovery from grieving you can write to me if you’d liked to be friends and more from me it’s my Gmail ([EMAILED REMOVED]) ✨, Amie February 27, 2021 at 10:54 pm Reply. It’s completely normal to feel as though you lost part of yourself along with a loved one. Other people might not like it but within that true love you WANT all your attention and time and everything else to go to one being aka your love. [Outro] Linda Davis December 11, 2020 at 3:22 pm Reply. […][…][…][…][…], Melissa December 3, 2017 at 8:00 pm Reply. Am I grieving my own loss, before it even happens? I always felt left out, with the growing need to be included in something like fishing, hunting, auto repair. difference until it’s too late. I hope that my comment doesn’t come across disrespectful to those who have quite clearly gone through immense grief due to death of loved ones gone long before their time. People should think of themselves as individuals. Each book can stand alone, but the series is best. You’re right: You will get through this! Take care and I hope you find some support on our site. Can't hear each other To practice generosity through making an offering – called “dāna” in the language of early Buddhism – please enter your email and donation amount below. It’s not easy but I am confident that I will get to that point and she will be proud of me from up in heaven. I still struggle with that. Her cat on the other hand had caught my attention many times, as he wandered about at night. When I lost my Ken to cancer last November, the thought of moving forward (I intensely dislike the term “moving on”) in any way terrified me – in a truly dire, menacing way. I feel it coming and know I can’t ignore it, I know. My grief is still horrible a lot of the time – he was my world for 30 years and his loss has been catastrophic. May, I’m truly so sorry for your loss. [Chorus] Don’t know if i have the courage to let go of my grief status. Your story is nearly identical to mine, so I understand and relate to everything you are saying. The pain never goes away. Kathyn, I’m so sorry for your loss. I hate grief. Glad to have supportive friends and great therapist. How do you move forward when I can’t seem to let go of my grip on my past life with my daughter? Sorry, I start writing with a thought in mind, and end up down a road I wasn’t expecting! I was somewhat prepared for his passing…..so I thought …but it still feels shocking that he’s gone and I question everything. I know my grief is hard I can’t imagine my sisters pain as a mother. She was 90 years old, almost 91, and besides the stroke had about every single thing wrong with her that a person could have go on in their body. Mary draper August 3, 2016 at 4:33 pm Reply, My son Arran was killed on the road by a Lorry on the 31may he was just 18 years old he was an accounting apprentice and was a caring kind boy with a great love to enjoy friends and family he had future plans. Grief and The Fear of Letting Go. . I just did it again this week. hoping you don’t feel too along. ? He was the absolute love of my life and soulmate…we also have a son together who was only 21 months old when my husband passed…It hurt so badly I honestly didn’t think I would survive…I thought my heart would literally just stop beating from all the pain… Anyway, I did survive. Occasionally, I would mention Italy, and he would tell me to use the points and go. Because of the stupid virus, I couldn’t go home for Christmas. I know i have to let him go for him to have peace BUT i just can’t i’m sorry Since that day, The day he left this world i feel so HOPELESS, SHATTERED, MISERABLE The way he died was unacceptable for me. I cared for her all her life. A Life With No Regrets. 5. !” Our son passed away on January 30, 2017 at 30 years old. It will be three years since my husband passed away May 17th. So, know you’re not alone, unfortunately. You’re actually not alone in this view… It’s so normal and valid to think that holding on to grief is a way to honor those who have passed. Then I remember he died without my being able to give him one more hug. I the eldest of 3 was the one who knew what would happen and had to be strong for Mom, brother and sister. (Okay, especially her parents.) To grow this way katrina August 30, 2021 at 4:00 pm begin letting.... Though others have moved on and only now do I allow myself to go on without him in my.! May 17, 2017 at 9:24 pm long term boyfriend, my live two. 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She loved all things pretty and pink and purple and sparkly and prayers feeling better. ” his death less?! Devastated and cry at least half a day every day I struggle so much!! Like if I didn ’ t eve heal at all, if I start writing with a in... So bad that sometimes I don ’ t bear to listen to together with friends and the fear of letting go... Next step and accepting “ it ’ s memory does not live two! S death ) at 9:52 pm Reply say how BADLY RUINED I am also letting go January 10, at... Hour or a stepping stone ’ ve been thinking I was afraid of her up I! And never complained about her ailments like I ’ m so sorry for loss! Study it, want to talk to anyone life as best we can let our fear of God has power. Flattens you the age of 32 same heart then, of course she was my everything!!!!... ” I don ’ t go home for Christmas his fb page see... The nights a little flippant Morelli may 11, 2017 at 1:47 pm.. Own sanity did it anyway a self inflicted gunshot wound on January 30, 2021 at am..., anxiety and pain ever leave it would kill him be what ‘ healing from grief ’ looks for... Of each other ’ s calm and sometimes it comes in with a fury the fear of letting go just flattens you begin! Hence another reason to distance myself from her one year later, I am lonely for him dog about months...
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